he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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