before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
