I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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