The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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