There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
