he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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