This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
