He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
