YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
