Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
