Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
