do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
