I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
40s are totally the cure
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
