the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you will always have a special place in my vag
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
