I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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