don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
