He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
