FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
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i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
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I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When are your genitals available?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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