Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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