you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
