we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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