spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The beer is more important than you right now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
