the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
