this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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