What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i think i just lost a toe
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
