So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
