You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
did i walk over a car last night?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
