There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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