filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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