the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
