I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
