You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
