Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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