I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
