i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
