i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
