Ambien. No doubt about it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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