Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
