I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
