Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
