tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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