Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
