Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
