I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
