You don't have asthma, your pregnant
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
