Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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