I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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