Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
