I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize