Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You made out with two different species that night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
