I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
