Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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