My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
