I could make wine with my vomit
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
