She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
