Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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