i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
