is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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