the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
