dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
