there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
