dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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