Need sex. Gaining weight.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just high enough for therapy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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