We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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