i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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