there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize