it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
