goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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