I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize