i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
