Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
