He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
