I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he fucked my hip out of place.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
