I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
