If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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