dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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