ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
