i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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