I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My hand turned me down
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
