do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she told me i tasted like america
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
